I have the tendency to make every blog I open an up close window to my private life. That’s how it feels to be in front of this screen with everyone around you minding their business. Starting this blog with the word I accentuates that fact.
I don’t know how people convey their ideas to large masses without seeing not even one of their faces. Every time I’ve prepared to say something to a large number of people I need at least a month in advance and online interactions don’t seem to stick big for me, at least for now. I think if I ever wrote a novel it would have a lot of Virginia Woolf and her kind of introspection. Gloomy, of course, without losing the ethereal beauty that surrounds me. A Room of One’s Own was a definitive read for me during my school years and, to be honest, I don’t know where I’d be without it.
Maybe I’m not writing anything important or anything specific but the purpose of this blog is precisely that: To give me the personal freedom to say anything I want. Sometimes introverted people like me find it hard to talk to someone, between al life occupations and preoccupations it is an impossible task and most of those times I find myself into wuthering lows, just to quote the book I just read (yes, I have *just* read Wuthering Heights, thanks to a friend who had a copy that she lent me years ago but after watching Crimson Peak by Guillermo del Toro my mind just went through a gothic romance phase and Wuthering Heights was in the middle of it and I wouldn’t have it any other way)
People say I should stop being so gloomy, that will only lead to more sadness in my life but there’s one thing people don’t seem to realize: Some “gloomy” people aren’t just sad. A lot of us do enjoy cloudy, rainy days that gives us a break from the scorching sun and the overwhelming happy-go-lucky attitude some people have. That last thing drains me as much as a sad pessimistic person.
I wouldn’t want my blog to not be gloomy. I am not a permanently sad person either, I can catch a case of the sadness just like anybody else. I just prefer silence, quiet, thought, music that touches my soul more than my hips or feet and a sight that will last a lifetime inside my mind like I still remember the curtain patterns that my mother hung in the living room of the apartment we lived in when I was a child.
Maybe yes, this blog is too intimate but so am I. If I decide to open a window, you will see inside, it’s only logical. I mostly keep it closed but that’s the beauty of a blog, of the internet: I can open an invisible window and let you see exactly what I want, no more.
This window has been opened.